@RickAaron: I had a fountain drink at the mall today. All those pennies make the water taste terrible.
@RickAaron: This grocery store is playing "Freebird" which I interpret as an invitation to shoplift a turkey.
@RickAaron: 2016: Trump elected
2018: Border wall completed
2020: Mexico takes Gold, Silver & Bronze in Pole Vault at the Summer Olympics
@RickAaron: I saved $38 by moving the fish tank in front of the TV during "Ellen" and telling my kids it was Finding Dory.
@RickAaron: "I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".
@RickAaron: I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.
@RickAaron: I made an appointment for laser hair removal then remembered that I don't have any laser hair.