Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of RickAaron's best tweets

@RickAaron : Open casket funeral? Remains to be seen.

@RickAaron: Whole Foods just notified me that I've won a "Lifetime Supply of Fresh Kale" which in my case is one kale.

@RickAaron: Currently binge watching old eclipses to get caught up for tomorrow.

@RickAaron: I had a fountain drink at the mall today. All those pennies make the water taste terrible.

@RickAaron: This grocery store is playing "Freebird" which I interpret as an invitation to shoplift a turkey.

@RickAaron: 2016: Trump elected
2018: Border wall completed
2020: Mexico takes Gold, Silver & Bronze in Pole Vault at the Summer Olympics

@RickAaron: I saved $38 by moving the fish tank in front of the TV during "Ellen" and telling my kids it was Finding Dory.

@RickAaron: My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004

@RickAaron: "I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".

@RickAaron: I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.