@RidiculousSheri: I'd like to say I have a yoga body, but it's really more of a Yoda body.
Resist all the cheese, I can't.
@RidiculousSheri: Him: I know your secret
Me:*nervously sweating, remembering my Netflix history* Yeah?
H: You killed someone
M: *relieved* Oh, haha. Yep
@RidiculousSheri: I drink expresso irregardless of the time, because, for all intensive purposes, its good for my sole. Also, it keeps my brain alot sharper.
@RidiculousSheri: 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
@RidiculousSheri: Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks.
@RidiculousSheri: I was in a gang once. We wore blue, traveled in packs, and ruled our turf with shiny instruments...wait. Band. I was in the marching band.
@RidiculousSheri: Yelp Review: Babies
Cute at first, but then screamy like angry pterodactyls. There is literally poop everywhere. Would not recommend.
@RidiculousSheri: [on a date]
*don't let him know you're a bird*
Him: I'll drive us. I just had my car cleaned and detailed.
Me: *poops all over windshield*