Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of RidiculousSheri's best tweets

@RidiculousSheri : Yelp review: Dating You have to brush your hair and leave the house. Most places won't let you bring your cat. Would not recommend.

@RidiculousSheri: I'd like to say I have a yoga body, but it's really more of a Yoda body.

Resist all the cheese, I can't.

@RidiculousSheri: Him: I know your secret

Me:*nervously sweating, remembering my Netflix history* Yeah?

H: You killed someone

M: *relieved* Oh, haha. Yep

@RidiculousSheri: I drink expresso irregardless of the time, because, for all intensive purposes, its good for my sole. Also, it keeps my brain alot sharper.

@RidiculousSheri: 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."

@RidiculousSheri: Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks.

@RidiculousSheri: I was in a gang once. We wore blue, traveled in packs, and ruled our turf with shiny instruments...wait. Band. I was in the marching band.

@RidiculousSheri: Yelp Review: Babies

Cute at first, but then screamy like angry pterodactyls. There is literally poop everywhere. Would not recommend.

@RidiculousSheri: [on a date]
*don't let him know you're a bird*

Him: I'll drive us. I just had my car cleaned and detailed.

Me: *poops all over windshield*