@Rollinintheseat: *Watching a commercial where someone is rock climbing*
*Do not attempt flashes across the screen*
Me: *hasn’t left the couch in 12 hours*
@Rollinintheseat: If you throw a ball of yarn on stage during a Broadway production of Cats, the actors are required to stop what they’re doing and chase after it.
Waiter: “Can I box any of this food for you?”
Me: “You can uppercut this piece of chicken.”
@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. Whenever I'm at a job interview and they ask me if I can sit for long periods of time, I want to say "Like a champion."
@Rollinintheseat: St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. They gave him a great Uber rating.
@Rollinintheseat: Hugh Laurie auditioned for the role of a British detective, but a House is not a Holmes.
@Rollinintheseat: Person: My name is Mora.”
Hawaiian wizard: “Aloha, Mora.”
*Door behind her unlocks*
@Rollinintheseat: An app that tells you if there’s anyone at the grocery store you’ll have to make small talk with.