Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Rollinintheseat's best tweets

@Rollinintheseat : Interviewer: “Why did you leave your last job?” Me: “After coming back from vacation, all my passwords had expired. It was easier to resign than reset them.”

@Rollinintheseat: *Don’t Walk sign flashes*

Me: [from my wheelchair]: “Okay.”

@Rollinintheseat: *Watching a commercial where someone is rock climbing*

*Do not attempt flashes across the screen*

Me: *hasn’t left the couch in 12 hours*

“Okay.”

@Rollinintheseat: If you throw a ball of yarn on stage during a Broadway production of Cats, the actors are required to stop what they’re doing and chase after it.

@Rollinintheseat: Enter new password

“336Hours”

Your password is two weeks

@Rollinintheseat: [Restaurant]

Waiter: “Can I box any of this food for you?”

Me: “You can uppercut this piece of chicken.”

@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. Whenever I'm at a job interview and they ask me if I can sit for long periods of time, I want to say "Like a champion."

@Rollinintheseat: St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. They gave him a great Uber rating.

@Rollinintheseat: Hugh Laurie auditioned for the role of a British detective, but a House is not a Holmes.

@Rollinintheseat: Person: My name is Mora.”

Hawaiian wizard: “Aloha, Mora.”

*Door behind her unlocks*