Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Rollinintheseat's best tweets

@Rollinintheseat : Enter new password “336Hours” Your password is two weeks

@Rollinintheseat: [Restaurant]

Waiter: “Can I box any of this food for you?”

Me: “You can uppercut this piece of chicken.”

@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. Whenever I'm at a job interview and they ask me if I can sit for long periods of time, I want to say "Like a champion."

@Rollinintheseat: St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. They gave him a great Uber rating.

@Rollinintheseat: Hugh Laurie auditioned for the role of a British detective, but a House is not a Holmes.

@Rollinintheseat: Person: My name is Mora.”

Hawaiian wizard: “Aloha, Mora.”

*Door behind her unlocks*

@Rollinintheseat: An app that tells you if there’s anyone at the grocery store you’ll have to make small talk with.

@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. When I’m at a job interview and they ask me what my biggest weakness is, I want to say “Leg day at the gym.”

@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. When I’m at a job interview and they ask me what my greatest strength is, I want to say, “I push myself.”

@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. I love it when people ask me if I know one of their friends in a wheelchair, like we're all in a secret wheelchair club.