Funny Tweeter

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Page of Rollinintheseat's best tweets

@Rollinintheseat : I use a wheelchair. When I’m at a job interview and they ask me what my greatest strength is, I want to say, “I push myself.”

@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. I love it when people ask me if I know one of their friends in a wheelchair, like we're all in a secret wheelchair club.

@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. When someone says to me, "I have a friend in a wheelchair,” I always want to say, "I have a lot of friends who walk.”

@Rollinintheseat: Cyndi Lauper: “Girls just want to have fun.”

Me: “Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.”

@Rollinintheseat: “Olive Garden: When you’re here, you’re family.”

*My grandma tells the waitress she looks tired*

@Rollinintheseat: When people say “You’re beautiful, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." I want to respond, "Nobody has really been telling me I'm ugly.”

@Rollinintheseat: *Goes to bakery to try wedding cake samples*

Baker: "When is your wedding?"

Me: *with mouthful of cake*

"What wedding?"

@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Do you consider yourself a punctual person?"

Me: "I was born three months premature."

@Rollinintheseat: A facial recognition program, but one that matches your Tupperware container to its lid.

@Rollinintheseat: Alec Baldwin always sounds like he's trying to have an intense conversation in a public library.