Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Rollinintheseat's best tweets

@Rollinintheseat : [Restaurant] Waiter: “Do you have any room for dessert?” Me: *thinking of my secret cake room* “What have you heard?”

@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Are you comfortable staring at a computer screen eight hours a day?"

Me: *looks up from phone*

"What?"

@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Why would you make a good customer service representative?"

Me: "I'm good at apologizing for things that aren't my fault."

@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: “Why did you leave your last job?”

Me: “After coming back from vacation, all my passwords had expired. It was easier to resign than reset them.”

@Rollinintheseat: *Don’t Walk sign flashes*

Me: [from my wheelchair]: “Okay.”

@Rollinintheseat: *Watching a commercial where someone is rock climbing*

*Do not attempt flashes across the screen*

Me: *hasn’t left the couch in 12 hours*

“Okay.”

@Rollinintheseat: If you throw a ball of yarn on stage during a Broadway production of Cats, the actors are required to stop what they’re doing and chase after it.

@Rollinintheseat: Enter new password

“336Hours”

Your password is two weeks

@Rollinintheseat: [Restaurant]

Waiter: “Can I box any of this food for you?”

Me: “You can uppercut this piece of chicken.”

@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. Whenever I'm at a job interview and they ask me if I can sit for long periods of time, I want to say "Like a champion."