@Rollinintheseat: [blind date]
Him: "I'm a big Beethoven fan."
ME *trying to impress him*
"Saint Bernards are my favorite dog breed."
@Rollinintheseat: *Buys 15 feet of bubble wrap*
Cashier: "Are you moving?"
Me: "No, why?"
@Rollinintheseat: It's like nobody at this restaurant appreciates my dramatic reading of the menu.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Your resume says you're good at jumping to conclusions?"
Me: "When can I start?"
@Rollinintheseat: [High school reunion]
Person: "I don't remember you."
Me: *starts crying*
Person: "Now I remember you."
@Rollinintheseat: Lois Lane: "Clark, have you given any thought to contact lenses?"
Clark Kent: *starts sweating nervously*
@Rollinintheseat: "Hi, I'm Rob Thomas for the Organ Donor Association. Give me your heart, make it real or else forget about it."
@Rollinintheseat: When I get cold in a movie theater, I pull a CVS receipt out of my purse and use it as a blanket.
@Rollinintheseat: Doctor: "You have an arrhythmia."
Me: "Wow, most people tell me I can't dance."