Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Rollmaninoz's best tweets

@Rollmaninoz : Me: how many bears do you think we could fight as a family Wife: none you idiot Me: oh *growling from closet* Wife: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??

@Rollmaninoz: [first day as a vet]
Me: ma’am I’m afraid your horse has some of the worst cancer I’ve ever seen
Her: um this is a camel
Me: a what now??

@Rollmaninoz: Meanwhile at Wayne Industries...

'Hey anyone else think it's weird we make so much batman stuff here'

@Rollmaninoz: *Doing the hokey pokey*
Snake: guys, this is some bullshit

@Rollmaninoz: Police Officer: Son I have some terrible news, your father was killed at work today when he fell into the scissor machine.

Dwayne Johnson: *grits teeth* ...I will dedicate my life to avenging him!

@Rollmaninoz: Cop: we found this dead cat stuffed in the the photocopier
Detective: OMG, another victim of the copy cat killer

@Rollmaninoz: [starbucks]
ME: I'll have a mocha latte an can I get an extra sho-
Eminem: *wearing apron* YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT

@Rollmaninoz: *stable*
Me: that one
Stable hand: ah careful ridin her, she used to belong to an old knight
M: ok
*Horse goes 2 steps forward & 1 left*
WTF

@Rollmaninoz: *office*
Me:…
Coworker:…
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Me:*puts headphones on*
CW: Hey just sent you an email

@Rollmaninoz: *First day as a spy*
Boss: Did you bug the Russian Embassy?
*flashback to me ringing the doorbell and running away over & over*
Me: Ohhh yeh