Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of rorynotroy's best tweets

@rorynotroy : if ur ever in a scary movie situation and find that the phone cords been cut just act like the phone still works thatll confuse the bad guy

@rorynotroy: the early bird gets the worm but so does the bird that gets outta bed around 1pm because there are plenty of worms out there believe me

@rorynotroy: You can just lean against anything, look down at your phone and toggle between your 1st and 2nd page of apps and you’ll look pretty popular.

@rorynotroy: id be so offended if a group of ppl just rolled through my room on safari rn as im lounging in bed and just pointed at me and took pictures

@RorynotRoy: I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be okay and then just kinda turn into like $20,000 in cash.

@RorynotRoy: The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.

@RorynotRoy: "How fast can you hack into the system!?" "20-25 minutes." "You've got 10 minutes!" "Okay, well then I can't." - real life spy dialogues

@RorynotRoy: I respect how the Hamburglar was like, "Hey, I know I'm at rock bottom here, but I'm going to be professional about it and wear a tie."

@RorynotRoy: Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf.

@RorynotRoy: "Have you tried sleeping? Okay. And you've had enough burritos lately? Hmm. Well, this is puzzling." - me as a doctor