Funny Tweeter

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Page of SadPeruna's best tweets

@SadPeruna : If I was a magician I'd ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that.

@SadPeruna: If by 'the Hamptons' you mean 'my pajamas', then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons.

@SadPeruna: Even if you don't pay, they'll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.

@SadPeruna: Woke up to 5:15am phone reminder telling me I need to set my alarm for 8am. Thanks last night drunk self. This is why we don't have friends.

@SadPeruna: Every call with my mother starts in one of two ways:

1. WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED? IS EVERYTHING OK?
2. WHY ARE YOU CALLING? IS EVERYTHING OK?

@SadPeruna: Nothing is creepier than watching someone hula hoop with a serious look on their face.

@SadPeruna: "I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald's application

@SadPeruna: Get a TATTOO they said!
A rock band tattoo would be the BEST they said!
Creed will be popular FOREVER they said!

@SadPeruna: Because one Duran just wasn't enough.

@SadPeruna: Why do we PARK on a DRIVEway, but my mom's boyfriend Craig won't let me call him Dad when we hug?