@SamDelanche: Sorry about the concussion Steve but it wouldn't be called a "trust fall" if it worked every time.
@SamDelanche: "I'm turning over a new leaf"
-Adam telling Eve that he's seeing another woman
@SamDelanche: My boss just asked if I'm illiterate, which is offensive because I know exactly who my father is.
@SamDelanche: I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
@SamDeLanche: We only speak to our two year old with a British accent. She's going to be the coolest kindergartner in Kansas.
@SamDeLanche: Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
@SamDeLanche: 7: Dad, why did the Tooth Fairy write me a check?
Me: I don't know but she needs you to hold on to it until the 15th.