@SardonicTart: My 18 year-old was complaining about her job so I told her it'll be ok she only has 47 years left.
@SardonicTart: Someone at work just yelled "go team" so I reported her for creating a hostile work environment.
@SardonicTart: I'm going to start eating healthy again so I need to eat this half of a leftover cake to get it out of the house.
@SardonicTart: [Friend who gave birth a week ago]
"I'm on the treadmill!"
[Me who gave birth 18 years ago]
"My tailbone still hurts"
@SardonicTart: [Sunday morning]
Me: Finally a day I can sleep in
Birds: We'll see about that lol