@SardonicTart: *Gets haircut*
"Omg I love it"
*Ten minutes later*
"Dear God what have I done?"
@SardonicTart: I waited for so long at the doctor's office that by the time they called me it was time for my follow-up appointment.
@SardonicTart: [Gone for an hour]
Boss: Where have you been?
Me: There was a new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom and I couldn't find the beginning.
@SardonicTart: How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start? According to my neighbor it's 458 times.
@SardonicTart: Sometimes I'm scared I'll miss my kids when they move out but then I find a bowl of cereal in the bathtub tub and I'm not so scared anymore.