Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SergioValenCo's best tweets

@SergioValenCo : I don't tweet about my boss because I don't wanna be a suspect when he disappears.

@SergioValenCo: If you encounter a bear in the wilderness, sing a Coldplay song. You'll die, but the bear will suffer too.

@SergioValenCo: If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors

@SergioValenCo: Damn girl, are you my Bachelor's degree because you wasted my time and now I hate you.

@SergioValenCo: Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational tweets are hard.

@SergioValenCo: What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?
*gets arrested*

@SergioValenCo: I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don't like her new haircut.

@SergioValenCo: Don't scream. I came to your house because you never responded to my DMs. Are you OK?

@SergioValenCo: I believe in you. I also believe in dragons, so don't get too excited.

@SergioValenCo: Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.