@Shade510: * on my death bed
Me: One thing I want you to do for me...
Wife: Name it?
Me: I want you to marry Larry.
Wife: (pause)You sure? I thought you hated Larry?
Me: I do.
@Shade510: It's not Christmas until the stockings are hung, the tree is trimmed and Hans Gruber falls from the top of Nakatomi Plaza.
@Shade510: Actually resolved an argument between my wife and my 16 year-old daughter. Now being deployed to the Middle East to broker peace.
@Shade510: Got dragged to a Sarah McLachlan concert...came home with 7 dogs, 3 cats and a ferret.
@Shade510: Me 5pm: Need to go easy on the booze tonight, have to function tomorrow.
Me 1am: *twerking in a Denny's parking lot.
@Shade510: Not sure why my doctor prescribed LSD for a case of constipation...until I saw those dragons and totally shit my pants.