@Shade510: Daughter: *calling up the steps
Dad you almost ready?...We’re going to be late for my college orientation.
Me: *appears wearing just a toga
@Shade510: * Dentist is singing along to a Maroon 5 song as he’s drilling in my mouth.
Me: (holds up finger to pause)
Can you turn that up?
Dentist: The music?
Me: No. The drill.
@Shade510: Her: Look...I asked you to fix this damn cabinet 3 years ago.
Me: For the record...you did preface it with “When you get a chance...”
@Shade510: Her: Umm...Where are you going?
Me: Walking the dog.
Her: When you get back, we need to talk.
* walks dog...returns 3 days later
@Shade510: Daughter has prom tomorrow so I’ve been practicing my “Menacing Dad Face” all day....so far I’ve had a colleague offer me Tums.
@Shade510: Wow...Looks like I’ve added some muscle mass.
~me everytime the scale tells me
I’m getting fatter.
@Shade510: Welcome to your 40’s. Your body now involuntarily makes haunted house sound effects.