@ShesARealGenius: WIFE: I wish you would drop this stupid genie act
HUSBAND: honey I already told you, you're out of wishes
@ShesARealGenius: Him, sweaty from working out: Hey, babe, c'mere
Me: Don't come any closer while you still have activity juice all over you
@ShesARealGenius: Me, at a romantic movie: pffft like that would ever happen
Me, at any other genre movie: YES I ABSOLUTELY ACCEPT THIS OUTLANDISH SCENARIO
@ShesARealGenius: [FIRST DATE]
Him: "I love science-fiction."
Me, trying to impress him: "I think the earth is flat."
@ShesARealGenius: ME: Brad's here
HUSBAND: Brad who needs space or Brad who's paranoid about being murdered?
BRAD: OMG u 2 are smothering me
ME: I've no idea
@ShesARealGenius: On your first day in prison, make sure you go up to the warden and compliment the décor.
@ShesARealGenius: Me: "I mean, how can Harry Potter be the best Quidditch Seeker when he's the only one with glasses?"
Librarian: "Just pay your fine, Ma'am."
@ShesARealGenius: [Snail Court]
Snail Lawyer: Permission to approach the bench, Your Honor?
Snail Judge: I'm sorry; we don't have that kind of time.