Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Shock_Monster's best tweets

@Shock_Monster : Nurse: It's just a little prick.. Me: That's what my gf said! N: Ha M: Haha N: HAHA M: HAHAHA! N: You don't have a gf, do you? M: No.

@Shock_Monster: Anyone that says there are no stupid questions has never had to explain to a 5 year old why there are no pink bananas 267 times today.

@Shock_Monster: How To Get Rich:

1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson.

2. Empty it the next day.

3. Become a millionaire.

@Shock_Monster: According to my Ex, we only had 2 problems:

1. Me.
2. Not her.

@Shock_Monster: Hostess: Table for one?

Me: More like TABLE FOR FUN, AMIRITE?

Hostess: ...

Me: ...

Hostess: ...

Me: Yes, one please.

@Shock_Monster: Dance like no one is watching you while secretly videotaping to later be posted on YouTube so you become the latest worldwide laughing stock

@Shock_Monster: Her: I saw this Yoda pen & I thought of you.

Me: WHY? YOU THINK I'M 8 OR SOMETHING?

Her: No, sorry...

Me: Hey, hey, hey! Leave the pen.

@Shock_Monster: Her: I'm thinking of a number between 1 an-

Me: 69!

Her: ...10.

Me:

Her:

Me: 6.9?