@ShootyDoody: Friend: What are you doing this weekend?
Me: Amusement Pork.
Friend: You mean Amusement Park?
Me: No, I don't.
@ShootyDoody: Interviewer: So, what makes you think you're a good candidate for this Automotive Shop?
Me: I tire easily.
@ShootyDoody: Little known fact from Marley and Me, they used 8 different Owen Wilsons during production, so he would look the same age.
@ShootyDoody: God's Wife: I just need some space!
God: (passive aggressively creates the universe)