Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ShootyDoody's best tweets

@ShootyDoody : First Date: Him: So, are you a dog person or a cat person? Me: (already cleaning him with my tongue)

@ShootyDoody: Friend: What are you doing this weekend?

Me: Amusement Pork.

Friend: You mean Amusement Park?

Me: No, I don't.

@ShootyDoody: Interviewer: So, what makes you think you're a good candidate for this Automotive Shop?

Me: I tire easily.

@ShootyDoody: Little known fact from Marley and Me, they used 8 different Owen Wilsons during production, so he would look the same age.

@ShootyDoody: God's Wife: I just need some space!

God: (passive aggressively creates the universe)