@ShortSleeveSuit: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: *eats a sandwich brought from home*
SUBWAY MANAGER: hey no outside artwork
@ShortSleeveSuit: ME [introducing my family]: this is my brother paul, he’s a geologist. this is my cousin sue, she’s a cosmetologist. and this is my *eyes narrow* uncle louis, he’s a racist
LOUIS: uh, race car driver
ME: that too
@ShortSleeveSuit: ME: where ya headed after Denver
PILOT: flying into Boulder
ME: omg *whispers* I need to warn the others
@ShortSleeveSuit: Me: *I begin monk-chanting & performing a number of masterful karate moves*
Banker: No sir I need your written signature
@ShortSleeveSuit: [getting pulled over]
ME: excuse me officer what was i doing wrong?
MOM COP: you were driving erratically. are you hungry? you seem hungry. step out of the car and eat this alphabet soup backwards for me
@ShortSleeveSuit: JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 - do you understand?
JUDGE: it’s a fine
MARIO [sadly]: no itsa not