Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Shot_Of_Cabo's best tweets

@Shot_Of_Cabo : Traffic.. The thing that impedes you from traveling from the place you didn't want to be to the place you don't want to go.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Twitter is what happens when the firemen show up with gasoline instead of water.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: "Wanna fool around while the baby is asleep?" I ask to the woman next to me on the plane who I've never met before and whose baby is asleep.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Drinking recklessly used to mean tequila until 4 am.

Now its coffee after 5 pm.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Pro: Learning another language increases your ability to communicate with more people.

Con: Learning another language increases your ability to communicate with more people.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Cop 1: Where did you come from?

Cop 2: Where did you go?

Cotton Eyed Joe: I want a lawyer.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Me: I find pregnant women attractive.

She: But I'm not pregnant.

Me: Gimme a few minutes.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: She: OMG I'm so wet.

Me: *hands her roll of paper towels*

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Can't.. arguing with someone who thinks phone internet and internet internet are two different internets.