Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Shot_Of_Cabo's best tweets

@Shot_Of_Cabo : Impress your wife by cleaning something she just cleaned and then proudly announce, "There! Now it's clean."

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Me: Marijuana is good for my glaucoma.

She: But you don't have glaucoma.

Me: See?

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Had to be a woman that coined the phrase "severance package."

No guy is putting those two words so close to each other.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: The good thing about being a chubby chaser is you don't have to run very fast or very far.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Somehow stumbled upon a nude beach. .

Yeah, found myself in the middle of no wear.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Prominently display feminine hygiene products in your living space to let him know your eggs are still viable.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: If you guys don't hear from your sexy lady friend TC today it's because he's spending Father's Day with his family.

@Shot_Of_Cabo: Two guys in CA walked off cliff playing Pokémon.

Natural selection accelerated at 9.8 m/sec².

@Shot_Of_Cabo: (CPR class)

Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt?

Me to instructor: See what I'm up against?

@Shot_Of_Cabo: [ phone call ]

Wife: You want the white 7" or the black 9".

Me: The black 9".

..and if she wasn't tablet shopping this would be awkward.