Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@SirEvisiae : EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY!
It...it's a sawed-off shotgun.
"Aren't you supposed to use the other half?"
@SirEvisiae: Hi, my name's Ray. I'll be drawing your blood today as soon as I finish this Capri Sun.
*misses hole 4 times then punches straw through bag*
@SirEvisiae: *pretends to throw ball*
*dog runs to chase it*
Ha, stupid dog.
*dog keeps running, disappears over horizon*
*dog tackles me from behind*
@SirEvisiae: *breaks into museum*
*sprays fine mist to show alarm lasers*
*plays a sweet jam on boombox*
*krumps right into each beam*