Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of SirEvisiae's best tweets

@SirEvisiae : EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY! "What's that?" It...it's a sawed-off shotgun. "Aren't you supposed to use the other half?" ...shit.

@SirEvisiae: Hi, my name's Ray. I'll be drawing your blood today as soon as I finish this Capri Sun.
*misses hole 4 times then punches straw through bag*

@SirEvisiae: *pretends to throw ball*
*dog runs to chase it*
Ha, stupid dog.
*dog keeps running, disappears over horizon*
Um
*dog tackles me from behind*

@SirEvisiae: *breaks into museum*
*sprays fine mist to show alarm lasers*
*plays a sweet jam on boombox*
*krumps right into each beam*