Funny Tweeter

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Page of Slims_Ramblings's best tweets

@Slims_Ramblings : I saw a picture of myself on a milk carton once but my new family was rich so I kept my mouth shut.

@Slims_Ramblings: Just listened to a conversation between 3 people under 18 and now I don't know how my Mom or a stranger didn't murder me as a teenager.

@Slims_Ramblings: "Hey look, there's a deer frolicking in the woods over there!"

Deer: What the hell did you say I was doing?

@Slims_Ramblings: Confidence should never be confused with arrogance.

Arrogance is spelled way differently.

@Slims_Ramblings: First Date:

"So, tell me something no one else knows about you."

Well, my wife thinks I'm at the movies and you think I'm single.

@Slims_Ramblings: Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because I didn't see you first.