Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Smooheed's best tweets

@Smooheed : Poop your pants one time and suddenly you're banned from the MacDonalds ball pit

@Smooheed: *signs into Skype meeting with very important clients*

*tries to sound incredibly intelligent*

*gets attacked by moth*

*falls off chair*

@Smooheed: Showing that you can fit your fist in your mouth on the first date is only sexy if you can get it back out afterwards

@Smooheed: Him: I love to feel my hair blowing in the breeze

Me: please put your pants back on

@Smooheed: I just ruined my 5 year olds' entire life by using the wrong shade of yellow for the sun

Yay parenting

@Smooheed: I see you keep your wallet and cell phone in your bra


*reaches into bra, pulls out an entire wheel of cheese*

@Smooheed: Bad hair day 429: I no longer look as though I've been electrocuted, but the birds, so, so many birds

@Smooheed: "Don't worry my love, I'll breathe for the both of us" I whisper as I drink directly from the wine bottle

@Smooheed: A friend described me as a 'no maintenance' type

And I have no idea whether to be happy or offended