Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SnizzleFrizzle's best tweets

@SnizzleFrizzle : My three biggest fears are drowning, heights and people that scroll with their index finger.

@SnizzleFrizzle: I can hear you swallowing from across the room you irritating piece of SHIT

- marriage

@SnizzleFrizzle: So far today I've watched cartoons, had a nap, drank chocolate milk and ate cereal for lunch. I'm basically a toddler.

@SnizzleFrizzle: My kids are 23 and 13 and they still argue about who is my favorite. Warms my heart.

Too bad it's neither of them.

@SnizzleFrizzle: "Your breathing holes are very nicely shaped"

Flirting is so easy

@SnizzleFrizzle: 12: "Why don't girls like playing dodgeball?"

Because we don't like getting hit by balls.

12: *giggles for 5 minutes*

You are so my child

@SnizzleFrizzle: I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish.

*I'm not even high.

@SnizzleFrizzle: What an adorable idea. My coworkers have been writing names on food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yogurt called Debbie.