@SondraDeeMe: [vet office]
ME: *puts cat on counter* He's sick
VET: How so?
*cat's arranging magazines & gently tosses empty cup in garbage*
ME: You're out of shrimp.
HOST: That was fast. I'll get more.
BF: Where are your manners?
ME: Under the heap of shrimp in my purse.
*calls Mom of kid* How long does your baby stay in the rain before it's clean?
@SondraDeeMe: ME: What's this about?
SECRET SERVICE: We can't tell you
ME: I can take it
SS: *whispers* Your parents didn't take your dog to a farm
@SondraDeeMe: I put my shoes on like everyone else. I beckon for my footman, Chauncey, and he does it straightaway. Your guy probably has a different name
@SondraDeeMe: [in bed]
BF: Why are you scared?
ME: Cuz your Mom's here
BF: She's not bad
*Mom hands me pregnancy test* This better be positive by sunrise
@SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult.
@SondraDeeMe: My Medical Emergency Contact is a girl from college who promised she'd pluck any stray hairs off my face if I slipped into a coma.