Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SortaBad's best tweets

@SortaBad : Doctor [looking over my test results]: I don't know how to say this... Me: Don't be embarrassed. Just sound it out using the letters and try your best

@SortaBad: "So it's agreed? If we're both single at age 40 we're doing this?"

Yes. If we're alone at 40, we're getting matching racecar beds

@SortaBad: When ur friends with white people

@SortaBad: Interviewer: Why do you think you'd make a good waiter?
Me: (says nothing)
Interviewer: are you...waiting?
Me: *nods*
Interviewer: holy shit

@SortaBad: Im tired of being politically correct. If I want to wish someone a Happy Honda Days, I’m gonna do it. I don’t care what they drive, that’s their problem

@SortaBad: [opening presents on the 5th day of christmas]

"I'm gonna be real with you Karen if there's more birds in this box I'm leaving you"

@SortaBad: I created a bunch of wifi networks in case any of my neighbors are single

@SortaBad: Avoid talking politics at Thanksgiving this year by getting a sweet neck tattoo the day before

@SortaBad: [inventing alcohol]
What if there were an elixir that made me want to fight a police horse

@SortaBad: OTHER BOY: why are we all here anyway

ME: I think it’s for the milkshakes

LACTOSE INTOLERANT BOY IN THE YARD: oh no