@SortaBad: "So it's agreed? If we're both single at age 40 we're doing this?"
Yes. If we're alone at 40, we're getting matching racecar beds
@SortaBad: Interviewer: Why do you think you'd make a good waiter?
Me: (says nothing)
Interviewer: are you...waiting?
Interviewer: holy shit
@SortaBad: Im tired of being politically correct. If I want to wish someone a Happy Honda Days, I’m gonna do it. I don’t care what they drive, that’s their problem
@SortaBad: [opening presents on the 5th day of christmas]
"I'm gonna be real with you Karen if there's more birds in this box I'm leaving you"
@SortaBad: Avoid talking politics at Thanksgiving this year by getting a sweet neck tattoo the day before
@SortaBad: [inventing alcohol]
What if there were an elixir that made me want to fight a police horse
@SortaBad: OTHER BOY: why are we all here anyway
ME: I think it’s for the milkshakes
LACTOSE INTOLERANT BOY IN THE YARD: oh no