@SortaBad: Me: oh Finding Dory is on, what a fun mov-
Neil deGrasse Tyson: You’ll note the fish switch between fresh & salt water without repercussion
@SortaBad: what's the proper waiting period after your spouse is kidnapped until you can resume watching your Netflix shows without it being a thing
@SortaBad: "Babe I wanna ask you something"
*gets down on one knee*
"When The Little Mermaid became human, how'd she know to use a toilet?"
@SortaBad: [Christina Aguilera begins singing the lyrics 'You Are Beautiful' at her concert, notices me in the audience, and abruptly stops]
@SortaBad: Celebrating Easter by looking like I've been dead in a cave for the last 3 days
@SortaBad: Me: hi :)
Woman at bar: it's loud in here, I'm sorry, did you just say "colon closed parentheses" ???
@SortaBad: Body: go to sleep
Brain: what country has the largest population of goats? Better run a search on this