@SortaBad: "Babe I wanna ask you something"
*gets down on one knee*
"When The Little Mermaid became human, how'd she know to use a toilet?"
@SortaBad: [Christina Aguilera begins singing the lyrics 'You Are Beautiful' at her concert, notices me in the audience, and abruptly stops]
@SortaBad: Celebrating Easter by looking like I've been dead in a cave for the last 3 days
@SortaBad: Me: hi :)
Woman at bar: it's loud in here, I'm sorry, did you just say "colon closed parentheses" ???
@SortaBad: Body: go to sleep
Brain: what country has the largest population of goats? Better run a search on this
@SortaBad: Why I don't get dates:
Her: It's been light-years since I've had this much fun
Me: Actually, a light-year is a unit of distance, not time
@SortaBad: A good prank is to rent a Mercedes, stick a huge bow on it, and park it in front of your neighbor's house
@SortaBad: You say tomato. I say tomato. Our eyes meet. We've decided on the perfect name for our baby
@SortaBad: John: Hey Jude...
Paul: Don't make it bad
George: Take a sad song...
Ringo: So weird how coffee is yummy hot or cold but gross in-between