Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SortaBad's best tweets

@SortaBad : I saw this late last night before bed and it literally haunted my dreams

@SortaBad: The most unbelievable song lyric of all-time is a woman saying “it’s raining men” and another woman following-up with “hallelujah!”

@SortaBad: Oh, you love me? Name three of my recent emotional breakdowns

@SortaBad: Girl I wanna be strangely inside you just like the 'meow' in homeowner

@SortaBad: ELLEN: so I hear you’re a big fan of sleeping ??

ME: yeah, totally

[producer walks out with a rag soaked in chloroform]

ME: OMG ELLEN YOU DIDN'T

@SortaBad: Doctor [looking over my test results]: I don't know how to say this...

Me: Don't be embarrassed. Just sound it out using the letters and try your best

@SortaBad: "So it's agreed? If we're both single at age 40 we're doing this?"

Yes. If we're alone at 40, we're getting matching racecar beds

@SortaBad: When ur friends with white people

@SortaBad: Interviewer: Why do you think you'd make a good waiter?
Me: (says nothing)
Interviewer: are you...waiting?
Me: *nods*
Interviewer: holy shit

@SortaBad: Im tired of being politically correct. If I want to wish someone a Happy Honda Days, I’m gonna do it. I don’t care what they drive, that’s their problem