Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SortaBad's best tweets

@SortaBad : I need better friends

@SortaBad: "Babe I wanna ask you something"
*gets down on one knee*
"When The Little Mermaid became human, how'd she know to use a toilet?"
*ties shoe*

@SortaBad: [Christina Aguilera begins singing the lyrics 'You Are Beautiful' at her concert, notices me in the audience, and abruptly stops]

@SortaBad: Celebrating Easter by looking like I've been dead in a cave for the last 3 days

@SortaBad: Me: hi :)

Woman at bar: it's loud in here, I'm sorry, did you just say "colon closed parentheses" ???

@SortaBad: Body: go to sleep

Brain: what country has the largest population of goats? Better run a search on this

@SortaBad: Why I don't get dates:

Her: It's been light-years since I've had this much fun

Me: Actually, a light-year is a unit of distance, not time

@SortaBad: A good prank is to rent a Mercedes, stick a huge bow on it, and park it in front of your neighbor's house

@SortaBad: You say tomato. I say tomato. Our eyes meet. We've decided on the perfect name for our baby

@SortaBad: John: Hey Jude...

Paul: Don't make it bad

George: Take a sad song...

Ringo: So weird how coffee is yummy hot or cold but gross in-between