2012: sorry I did the Macarena at your Anna’s funeral
2014: *does a kickflip* yeah the doctor said it’s not curable
2016: what idiot called it the sun and not a space heater
2019: ok gang here’s a thread on marginal tax rates & how we can use proceeds to fund schools
@SortaBad: people complain a lot about the airport but i find it pretty hard to criticize a community that so strongly embraces breakfast pizza and sleeping on the ground
@SortaBad: The most unbelievable song lyric of all-time is a woman saying “it’s raining men” and another woman following-up with “hallelujah!”
@SortaBad: ELLEN: so I hear you’re a big fan of sleeping ??
ME: yeah, totally
[producer walks out with a rag soaked in chloroform]
ME: OMG ELLEN YOU DIDN'T
@SortaBad: Doctor [looking over my test results]: I don't know how to say this...
Me: Don't be embarrassed. Just sound it out using the letters and try your best
@SortaBad: "So it's agreed? If we're both single at age 40 we're doing this?"
Yes. If we're alone at 40, we're getting matching racecar beds