Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Spaziotwat's best tweets

@Spaziotwat : [10,000 BC] Primary cause of death: Eaten [Now] Primary cause of death: Eating

@Spaziotwat: Still can't quite believe the World Health Organisation framed Roger Rabbit

@Spaziotwat: Do yourself a favour: get a dog. Before I got a dog I was ridiculed for walking around with a bag of shit

@Spaziotwat: Deodorant? I've never needed to buy any. People just give it me. Complete strangers sometimes

@Spaziotwat: My wife is terrified of thunderstorms. The banging outside the window is horrendous, but if we let her in she'll just get the dog all wet.

@Spaziotwat: [On The Cross]
Jesus:"Father, forgive them, fore they know no-"
Voice from the crowd:"DO THE WINE TRICK"

@Spaziotwat: I can finish The Times' crossword in under five minutes but I struggle to eat the whole paper

@Spaziotwat: *looks up from pestle and mortar
"Powdering this baby is HARD!"

@Spaziotwat: My "Pi" tattoo is taking longer than I thought

@Spaziotwat: [The Second Coming]
Jesus:"People of the Earth! I have returned with news of God's love an-"
Voice from the crowd:"DO THE WINE TRICK"