Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Spaziotwat's best tweets

@Spaziotwat : Palaeontology teaches us dinosaurs were flat and lived underground

@Spaziotwat: Deodorant? No, I’ve never needed to buy any. People just give it to me, complete strangers sometimes

@Spaziotwat: [reclining with sliced cucumber on my eyes]

My passengers: “Aaaaaaaaaaah!”

@Spaziotwat: As a parent it’s my job to shout “Be careful!” at my children just after they’ve fallen over

@Spaziotwat: [10,000 BC]
Primary cause of death: Eaten

[Now]
Primary cause of death: Eating

@Spaziotwat: Still can't quite believe the World Health Organisation framed Roger Rabbit

@Spaziotwat: Do yourself a favour: get a dog. Before I got a dog I was ridiculed for walking around with a bag of shit

@Spaziotwat: Deodorant? I've never needed to buy any. People just give it me. Complete strangers sometimes

@Spaziotwat: My wife is terrified of thunderstorms. The banging outside the window is horrendous, but if we let her in she'll just get the dog all wet.

@Spaziotwat: [On The Cross]
Jesus:"Father, forgive them, fore they know no-"
Voice from the crowd:"DO THE WINE TRICK"