@Staggfilms: HER: I’m pansexual.
ME: Oh, cool.
*quietly nudges a cabinet door shut with my foot, hiding my pots and pans*
@Staggfilms: [yelling over the music to club DJ]
ME: YOU DONT HAVE TO HOLD THOSE HEADPHONES UP TO ONE EAR THEY GO ON YOUR HEAD THEY’RE CALLED HEADPHONES
@Staggfilms: I don’t care what anyone says, I still think Malaria is a beautiful name for a little girl
@Staggfilms: Bees always go straight for your Coke can because their Mom doesn’t let them have sugary drinks at home.
@Staggfilms: ME: Heyy baby, tonight I wanna take you to Clown Town.
HER: Don’t you mean Pound Town?
ME: *seductively puts on a rainbow wig and nods “no”*
@Staggfilms: It’s too bad The Carpenters never got to do a project with MC Hammer and Nine Inch Nails.
@Staggfilms: ME: What if I have a robotic arm?
PRIEST: God will make you whole again in Heaven.
ME: But what if I really love my robotic arm?
PRIEST: God will grant you happiness.
ME: Can God give me two robotic arms?
PRIEST: Please, I beg you, others are waiting to use the confessional.