@Staggfilms: The pens at banks are attached to chains because they turn into werewolves during a full moon and it’s for the town’s protection.
@Staggfilms: If you see a dog locked in a car on a hot day, it’s legal to teach it how to hotwire the vehicle and drive off in search of a better life.
@Staggfilms: [meeting Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson at Comic-Con]
THE ROCK: You want me to autograph your jar of pickles?
ME: What? No, I want you to open it for me.
@Staggfilms: MARTY McFLY: Wait a minute, Doc. Are you telling me that you built a time machine... out of a Prius?
DOC BROWN: This car will repel women in any time period, Marty. We don’t want anyone accidentally hooking up with their mothers.
@Staggfilms: [waxing salon]
ME: I need to make a waxing appointment.
ASSOCIATE: You want a Brazilian?
ME: No, I don’t need that many.
@Staggfilms: THE KRAKEN: Yes, I’d like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
@Staggfilms: GOOD COP: We can do the easy way...
BAD COP: Or the hard way.
UNDERCOVER COP: [muffled] Guys, get under the covers with me! It’s so cozy and I have a flashlight and comic books under here!
@Staggfilms: [exotic fish store]
AMISH GUY: Yes, I’d like to buy an acoustic eel, please.