@Staggfilms: Life was so barbaric in the olden days. Imagine hitting snooze on a rooster.
@Staggfilms: Life is short. Take risks. Run with scissors. Dance with scissors like nobody’s watching. Stop waiting for tomorrow to do cool shit with scissors.
@Staggfilms: HER: I’m pansexual.
ME: Oh, cool.
*quietly nudges a cabinet door shut with my foot, hiding my pots and pans*
@Staggfilms: [yelling over the music to club DJ]
ME: YOU DONT HAVE TO HOLD THOSE HEADPHONES UP TO ONE EAR THEY GO ON YOUR HEAD THEY’RE CALLED HEADPHONES
@Staggfilms: I don’t care what anyone says, I still think Malaria is a beautiful name for a little girl
@Staggfilms: Bees always go straight for your Coke can because their Mom doesn’t let them have sugary drinks at home.
@Staggfilms: ME: Heyy baby, tonight I wanna take you to Clown Town.
HER: Don’t you mean Pound Town?
ME: *seductively puts on a rainbow wig and nods “no”*