Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Staggfilms's best tweets

@Staggfilms : HER: do you mind having period sex? ME: not at all. can we try the Industrial Revolution?

@Staggfilms: Life was so barbaric in the olden days. Imagine hitting snooze on a rooster.

@Staggfilms: *brings a knife to a knife fight, because I read the instructions*

@Staggfilms: Life is short. Take risks. Run with scissors. Dance with scissors like nobody’s watching. Stop waiting for tomorrow to do cool shit with scissors.

@Staggfilms: HER: I’m pansexual.

ME: Oh, cool.

*quietly nudges a cabinet door shut with my foot, hiding my pots and pans*

@Staggfilms: [yelling over the music to club DJ]

ME: YOU DONT HAVE TO HOLD THOSE HEADPHONES UP TO ONE EAR THEY GO ON YOUR HEAD THEY’RE CALLED HEADPHONES

@Staggfilms: I don’t care what anyone says, I still think Malaria is a beautiful name for a little girl

@Staggfilms: Bees always go straight for your Coke can because their Mom doesn’t let them have sugary drinks at home.

@Staggfilms: ME: Heyy baby, tonight I wanna take you to Clown Town.

HER: Don’t you mean Pound Town?

ME: *seductively puts on a rainbow wig and nods “no”*