Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Stellacopter's best tweets

@Stellacopter : Looking like shit greatly increases your chances of seeing someone you know at the store by 90%.

@Stellacopter: Tired of not knowing if I should swipe my credit card, insert the chip or punch myself in the face.

@Stellacopter: For fun I like to stir up facebook by just posting, "The funeral will be this Friday"

@Stellacopter: If you put on a really cute outfit you can walk around a nightclub selling people drinks that you find on tables.

@Stellacopter: Found an ant in my bathroom today, which is weird because I haven't had a picnic in there for like 3 months.

@Stellacopter: *hears noise downstairs
*wakes up husband so he can go get murdered first

@Stellacopter: Imagine falling in love with someone and finding out they raise their hand at the end of a long boring meeting to ask a question.

@Stellacopter: Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I'd be like cool I'm going home to eat.

@Stellacopter: If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.

@Stellacopter: One time my husband asked me to dance for him and I performed the entire Lion King musical to the best of my ability.