@SteveDutzy: Remember, if you get dumped it's only because they're looking for someone more attractive and interesting. It has NOTHING to do with you.
@SteveDutzy: Clark Kent is such a hipster.
He has fake glasses, still uses phone booths, & prides himself as being the only one who hasn't seen Superman
@SteveDutzy: Principal: Your son is a gamer
[Parents are visibly shaken]
Principal: Oops, wrong kid. Actually yours is on drugs.
Parents: OH THANK GOD
@SteveDutzy: me: *tries to befriend another human being*
another human being: oh, no thank you
@SteveDutzy: Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.
@SteveDutzy: *logs on Facebook
IT'S YOUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BULLY'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!
WAIT COME BACK!
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT YOUR EX'S ENGAGEMENT!
@SteveDutzy: Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.