Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SteveDutzy's best tweets

@SteveDutzy : Remember, if you get dumped it's only because they're looking for someone more attractive and interesting. It has NOTHING to do with you.

@SteveDutzy: Sorry I asked, "Is it friendly?" & tried to pet your baby.

@SteveDutzy: Clark Kent is such a hipster.

He has fake glasses, still uses phone booths, & prides himself as being the only one who hasn't seen Superman

@SteveDutzy: Principal: Your son is a gamer

[Parents are visibly shaken]

Principal: Oops, wrong kid. Actually yours is on drugs.

Parents: OH THANK GOD

@SteveDutzy: me: *tries to befriend another human being*
another human being: oh, no thank you

@SteveDutzy: Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

@SteveDutzy: *logs on Facebook
IT'S YOUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BULLY'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!
*logs off
WAIT COME BACK!
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT YOUR EX'S ENGAGEMENT!

@SteveDutzy: Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.

@SteveDutzy: THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TO ALL THE BROS ON INSTAGRAM WHO CAN'T AFFORD SHIRTS

@SteveDutzy: Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion?

Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho