Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of StinkyGr33n's best tweets

@StinkyGr33n : *Passive-aggressively skips through your selfies and only likes pics of your dog*

@StinkyGr33n: [Movie pitch in Hollywood]

A mythical creature who likes to dance moves to a small town where dancing's illegal. We'll call it BigfootLoose

@StinkyGr33n: Me: "Hey Siri, what color are your panties?"

Siri: "Why would I be wearing panties?"

Me: "Oh, you're such a naughty girl, Siri."

@StinkyGr33n: *Creating bees*

God: Make them highly beneficial to the ecosystem.

Angel: Sure thing, boss.

God: Give 'em the greatest knees of all time

@StinkyGr33n: I went to the bathroom and forgot my phone. Had to read the little paper about Toxic Shock Syndrome from the tampon box again

@StinkyGr33n: Boss to our group: "Let's talk about what inspires you. Mike, you go first."

Me: *Goes home*

@StinkyGr33n: What's the past tense of "wake & bake"?

"Woke and boke"?
"Awake and baked"?
"Awakened and baconed"?

Whatever it is, I'm that

@StinkyGr33n: I'm brimming with meh today. I'm a lethargic ball of unbridled unenthusiasm

@StinkyGr33n: Joke I told my one-eyed coworker today:

Me: What do you call a terrorist who's missing an eye?

Him: I give up

Me: A terrorst

@StinkyGr33n: All-day Christmas music at work, day 4:

Just Googled "Candy cane prison shank"