Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Storminika's best tweets

@Storminika : *Attempts to give a Homeless guy change* Him: Thanks. You never know, one day my situation might be you. Me: Really? *holds on to change*

@Storminika: Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words "Me too"?

@Storminika: I saw a lady at the gym on the exercise bike, wearing a helmet. So I put on a life jacket and got on the treadmill next to her.

@Storminika: Good things about drinking on the plane:

1. You don't have to drive.

2. No matter how much you drink, they can't throw you out.

@Storminika: A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, 'Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car'

@Storminika: You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?

@Storminika: My friend just broke up with her man. I really helped her through the break up by letting her know he's no good in bed anyway.

@Storminika: The rodents in my home are so damn big, they step in the glue traps and wear them like flip-flops around the house.

@Storminika: I'm lazy, though. I get down to my last outfit before washin anything. You'll see me at a bar with a wedding dress on, just chilling.

@Storminika: Why do people knock on a locked public restroom door? And what is the person inside to say? "who is it?"