Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SuperApple80's best tweets

@SuperApple80 : Gorilla Glue works best if you want your fingers stuck to whatever’s broken but you don’t actually want to fix it.

@SuperApple80: Him: Why do you like to feed ducks so much?
Me: (flashback to my dream when I only got into Heaven because God was a duck) It calms me.

@SuperApple80: Everybody thinks they want to sleep with an older women until we ask you to sit up straight and keep your elbows off the table.

@SuperApple80: Not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay. Not everyone deserves air in their tires either.

@SuperApple80: “Did you just walk past my house, you piece of shit?”

- dogs

@SuperApple80: Legend states of the time Tom Hanks cropdusted a toddler at Target and whispered in his ear “it’s my word against yours, you little shit.”

@SuperApple80: No Botox for me, thanks. I just keep getting fatter to fill out the wrinkles.

@SuperApple80: yeah breakups hurt but have you ever tagged someone on a meme and they reply back “I already saw this”

@SuperApple80: Crazy how 15 years of math still wasn’t enough to prepare me for baking two boxes of brownies at once.

@SuperApple80: Hair dresser: So how do you normally style your hair at home?
Me: *just laughing until it hurts*