@SuperApple80: No Botox for me, thanks. I just keep getting fatter to fill out the wrinkles.
@SuperApple80: yeah breakups hurt but have you ever tagged someone on a meme and they reply back “I already saw this”
@SuperApple80: Crazy how 15 years of math still wasn’t enough to prepare me for baking two boxes of brownies at once.
@SuperApple80: Hair dresser: So how do you normally style your hair at home?
Me: *just laughing until it hurts*
@SuperApple80: Jesus Christ, you’re absolutely insane. Wanna be friends so I look like a better person?
@SuperApple80: My son is currently eating Spaghettios with chopsticks and that’s not even the weirdest thing he’s done all day.
@SuperApple80: 1.) Win the lottery
2.) Fill a swimming pool with Diet Coke
3.) Hire people to throw Mentos in there the whole time I swam
@SuperApple80: [sees a beached whale]
Friend: (obviously an idiot) That’s awful. I wonder if it became navigationally disoriented or got sick.
Me: (an undisputed genius and biology scholar) It probably self-identified as a land creature and therefore must live its truth.