@SuperJuanderer: [cats on a date in a fancy restaurant]
Male: I can't decide if I want tuna or the salmon.
Female: *Slowly pushes pepper shaker off table
@SuperJuanderer: The other giraffes watched and giggled as Herbert got to button number 87 on his dress shirt before they told him he started one button off.
@SuperJuanderer: What idiot called them swordfish instead of... oh, no, wait, actually that's pretty good.
@SuperJuanderer: When life gives you lemons, you should peel one in front of the other lemons. You know... to send a message.
@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.
@SuperJuanderer: If I was a villain, I would follow superheroes to their normal human interviews for jobs & note what they answer as their biggest weaknesses
@SuperJuanderer: if you took every species of rattlesnake in the US and laid them end to end, I would yell at a safe distance, "STOP DOING THAT!"
@SuperJuanderer: Me: Weaknesses? Oh, I'd say not relating well to other sentient beings.
-I meant about the janitor job.
Me: Oh ya, I don't know how to sweep