Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SuperJuanderer's best tweets

@SuperJuanderer : Wife has spotted me tweeting while she is talking to me. This does not please her. She is currently approaching me. She is reaching for my

@SuperJuanderer: [psychiatrist who used to be a cheerleader] you seem aggressive seem seem aggressive

@SuperJuanderer: [cats on a date in a fancy restaurant]
Male: I can't decide if I want tuna or the salmon.
Female: *Slowly pushes pepper shaker off table

@SuperJuanderer: The other giraffes watched and giggled as Herbert got to button number 87 on his dress shirt before they told him he started one button off.

@SuperJuanderer: What idiot called them swordfish instead of... oh, no, wait, actually that's pretty good.

@SuperJuanderer: When life gives you lemons, you should peel one in front of the other lemons. You know... to send a message.

@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.

@SuperJuanderer: If I was a villain, I would follow superheroes to their normal human interviews for jobs & note what they answer as their biggest weaknesses

@SuperJuanderer: if you took every species of rattlesnake in the US and laid them end to end, I would yell at a safe distance, "STOP DOING THAT!"