@SuperRandomish: "We're still looking for a side project"
Tornado: *raises hand* we could flip houses
"We've been over this, it's not what you think it is"
@SuperRandomish: When someone asks how I feel, I always answer "Squishy and like I've done something wrong"
@SuperRandomish: We squint at the sun because it's bright.
We squint at people because they're not.
@SuperRandomish: I imagine the best part about driving a smart car is that when there's no parking spots you can just put it in your backpack.
@SuperRandomish: Cupcakes are amazing, because holding a full size cake up to your face isn't socially acceptable for some reason.
@SuperRandomish: Coworker: "How'd you get that cut above your eye?"
Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"
@SuperRandomish: Autocorrect changed "baby rattle" to "baby battle" and now I'm googling where to buy tiny weapons.
@SuperRandomish: If you walk up to me with a plate of food and say "Matt?"
My name will always be Matt.
@SuperRandomish: [Morgan Freeman narrating my life]
*extended period of silence*
"What the hell am I supposed to do with this..."