@Super_Cynthia: I KEPT MY CAPS LOCK ON WHEN I SEARCHED RECIPES FOR DINNER TONIGHT AND NOW GORDON RAMSEY IS IN MY KITCHEN
@Super_Cynthia: 911: What's your emergency?
[sounds of struggling and growling]
Me: I OFFERED THIS RACCOON MY SANDWICH BUT I CHANGED MY MIND
@Super_Cynthia: [Commercial for hobbies]
Like drugs for people who don't do drugs.
@Super_Cynthia: I sleep with my clothes on and one eye open. Not because I'm scared, but my zipper is broken and I've had too much botox on one side.
@Super_Cynthia: In 1979, a call coming from inside the house was a reason for terror.
In 2014, it means one of you is too lazy to shout or come downstairs.
@Super_Cynthia: [auditions for laundry detergent commercials just so I can splash brightly colored food on myself on purpose]