Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of THEDUTHCHESS's best tweets

@THEDUTHCHESS : Yesterday 9 asked what's the meaning of life and 6 punched him, but that was yesterday when I was on acid. Numbers don't usually talk to me.

@THEDUTHCHESS: Day 2 of being Kidnapped.

Kidnappers have now committed suicide.

@THEDUTHCHESS: Day 1 of being kidnapped.

Kidnappers are now offering my husband a ransom to take me back.

Husband is asking for more money.

@THEDUTHCHESS: I'm sorry I put a collar on your baby. I thought it was a Pug.

@THEDUTHCHESS: A poster with a mugshot saying "Have you seen this man"
So I rang up and said No.
You have to do your bit for society .

@THEDUTHCHESS: My ex husbands Voicemail was a trick one where he'd say "Hello Hello, so you think he'd answered and that's why he's dead.

@THEDUTHCHESS: Woke up last night and the ghost of Gloria Gaynor was standing over my bed. At first I was afraid, i was petrified.

@THEDUTHCHESS: Logged into FB told Gemma her wedding pics are beautiful.
Logged into Twitter to tell you she looked like a fat man in drag and I hate her.