Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of T_Bonezzz_'s best tweets

@T_Bonezzz_ : Me: How bout we head over to my place? Her: Nope Me: I have a dog... Her: Get in I'll drive

@T_Bonezzz_: [Gets Pulled Over]

Cop: Have u been drinking?
Me: No osiffer
C: What did u call me?
M: I mean orifice
C: ...
M: ...office chair?
C: Get out

@T_Bonezzz_: With the passing of Hugh Hefner, we must now turn the page on an American icon.

*Pages stick together

@T_Bonezzz_: Coworker: I ran 5 miles at the gym this morning

Me: Why

@T_Bonezzz_: *Romantically carries pizza over threshold

@T_Bonezzz_: [ First Date ]

Her: OMG, I've been talking about myself all night. Tell me a little bit about yourself..

Me: HODOR...

@T_Bonezzz_: Me: Waking up in the morning is so difficult
Bacon: Here, lemme help you with that

@T_Bonezzz_: I get it, rotisserie chicken.

I hate it when people stare at me too

@T_Bonezzz_: 5: Daddy, where do fish come from?
Me: Finland
5: Ohhhhhhh

@T_Bonezzz_: Son: Dad, I'm gay. Do you still love me?
Me: Ask your mother