Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of T_Bonezzz_'s best tweets

@T_Bonezzz_ : [ Medical Website to retrieve your STD test results ] **SIGN IN WITH FACEBOOK**

@T_Bonezzz_: FedEx would be a cool name for a restaurant for divorced couples

@T_Bonezzz_: Me: [*Drinks water]
My Liver: New liquid, who dis?

@T_Bonezzz_: Mom, I have a runny nose I don’t need a rectal thermometer.

Plus, I'm 35

@T_Bonezzz_: [ GUY INVENTING THE LUGE ]

[*Drunk] Hmmm… I wonder what would happen if I slide down this ice mountain on this lawn chair?!

@T_Bonezzz_: *Takes drive down memory lane

*Gets a DUI

@T_Bonezzz_: [Movie: Romance]

Him: [*At Airline Ticketing Counter] I need to get on the next flight to NY to tell my soulmate I love her!

Airline Clerk: That'll be $4,433.56...

Him: K... forget it...

@T_Bonezzz_: “You’re beautiful on the inside.”

- Me, to a Twinkie

@T_Bonezzz_: Me: How bout we head over to my place?
Her: Nope
Me: I have a dog...
Her: Get in I'll drive

@T_Bonezzz_: [Gets Pulled Over]

Cop: Have u been drinking?
Me: No osiffer
C: What did u call me?
M: I mean orifice
C: ...
M: ...office chair?
C: Get out