Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TechnicallyRon's best tweets

@TechnicallyRon : Lifehack: Turn any noun into an insult by simply putting 'You absolute' before it. Examples: You absolute drum You absolute fridge You absolute shed You absolute goose You absolute bollard

@TechnicallyRon: *Zuckerberg sits in front of congress*
"Mr Zuckerberg, we have several very serious questions and we demand answers"
"I have printed out all of your Internet histories"
"This meeting is over"

@TechnicallyRon: "Mr musk we would like to use your fortune to help humanity"
*Elon Musk presses a button on his desk* "Just fired a boat into space"
"Please Mr Musk"
*presses button* "Now a banana"
"People are dying"
*presses button* "That one was a bear"

@TechnicallyRon: Christmas as a child: "Socks and Money? This is ridiculous!"
Christmas as an adult: "SOCKS AND MONEY? HOW DID YOU KNOW? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. I LOVE YOU"

@TechnicallyRon: "Londoners need to be more afraid"
Nah, we're British, we only panic about a light snow or finding out we're out of milk.

@TechnicallyRon: A vegan walks into a bar and doesn't say anything because the person who has never seen star wars is going on about never seeing star wars.

@TechnicallyRon: Remember at school when you would press 'demo' on the electric piano and pretend you were really playing it? That's what adulthood is.

@TechnicallyRon: Aliens: "Take us to your leader"
"No"
"What"
"Look we've made some mistakes"
"Just take..."
"It's been a weird year, half of us are morons"

@TechnicallyRon: Can we stop calling it 'Breaking news' and start calling it 'bloody hell what now'