Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TeeJayRush's best tweets

@TeeJayRush : Just got a Life Alert bracelet. Now, if I get a life, I'll immediately be alerted...

@TeeJayRush: It's 'before' not 'B4'...

We don't speak Bingo here...

@TeejayRush: "Get in the van if you want to live."

Creepy Terminator...

@TeeJayRush: Laughing at your mistakes could lengthen your life. Laughing at your spouse's mistakes WILL shorten it...

@TeeJayRush: Misery: Hello there!
Company: I have a boyfriend...

@TeejayRush: Reasons to not go camping No.154:

People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...

@TeejayRush: Marijuana is not a gateway drug...

I have never been smoking weed and thought, "I know what this needs! Meth!..."

@TeejayRush: Her: Do I look fat?

Him: Do I look stupid?...

@TeejayRush: Guys who try to pick up women on Twitter are a bit sad...

Ladies, if you agree, DM me your number so we can talk about it...

@TeejayRush: Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces...

For example, I'm going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it may be closed...