Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of That_Damn_Duck's best tweets

@That_Damn_Duck : One last time... It’s ‘a lot’ not ‘alot'! It’s that simple. Tomorrow we’ll cover thermonuclear fusion & the works of Voltaire.

@That_Damn_Duck: I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.

@That_Damn_Duck: Some of you should not be allowed to procreate and if you have to google what procreate means, then I’m talking about you in particular.

@That_Damn_Duck: How I wear a scarf:

1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder

2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it.

3. Repeat

@That_Damn_Duck: My cat is walking a very fine line between being cute & being sold to the Korean restaurant down the street.

@That_Damn_Duck: *Watching YouTube videos*
Boss: What are you watching?
Me: ....
Boss: ...
Me: Church?
Boss: That's a dog on a unicycle.
Me: Praise The Lord!

@That_Damn_Duck: He who understands women, dies under mysterious circumstances…

@That_Damn_Duck: You block or unfollow me because I follow or retweet someone you don’t like.

Kindergarten called & said you left your maturity level there.

@That_Damn_Duck: I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.