Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheBoydP's best tweets

@TheBoydP : “What fruit or vegetable extract have we not said was good for your hair yet?" ~Shampoo developers probably

@TheBoydP: Spoiler alert: Sometimes accountants are boring on purpose because we think it’s funny when we see people’s eyes glaze over.

@TheBoydP: All I'm saying is never ask a bald man if he remembers something off the top of his head.

@TheBoydP: [Leaving for work]

*can’t find computer bag*
*looks for computer bag*
*finds computer bag*
*sets down computer bag*
*uses restroom*
*can’t find computer bag*

@TheBoydP: Fact: There comes a point in every man’s life that he regrets teaching his son about triple dog dares.

@TheBoydP: All I’m saying is nothing is more annoying than people who ask “Why do you let them annoy you?”

@TheBoydP: Everyone knows there’s no such thing as a zombie army. The proper name is the Marine Corpse.

@TheBoydP: “See you on the other side...”

~Me every time I’m at a gate with someone

@TheBoydP: Fact: People do their most creative problem solving when they’re drunk.

(I didn’t say best, I said creative)

@TheBoydP: *holds in gut when stepping on a scale*