Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheBoydP's best tweets

@TheBoydP : Wife: *asks question* Me: *gives answer* Wife: I’m looking it up on the internet…

@TheBoydP: I was getting fed up at my job and was considering quitting but they’ve upgraded the toilet paper in the office restroom so I’m good now.

@TheBoydP: The only time I get anxiety is when I’m picking up a prescription for my wife and the pharmacists asks me for her birth date.

@TheBoydP: If someone gives me an answer I don't agree with I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. I assume they didn't understand the question.

@TheBoydP: Protip: If your wife says the cord on the vacuum cleaner is too short, it doesn’t mean she’s asking for an extension cord for her birthday.

@TheBoydP: I’ve watched Dancing With The Stars with my wife all season and she just asked who I think should win. Quick! Someone tell me who’s on it!

@TheBoydP: Say what you will about Facebook but when my wife sees posts by my extended family, at least I don’t look so bad.

@TheBoydP: [God making humans]

*watches YouTube video*

“Okay, got it!”

@TheBoydP: Guys, don’t panic if you find a sticky note from your wife in the morning with only the word “garbage” on it. It’s probably just trash day.

@TheBoydP: The best thing about working at my office is that you can literally use as much toilet paper as you want in the restroom.