Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheBoydP's best tweets

@TheBoydP : Big props to the guy who realized we don’t need to mention air in the word airplane and started saying plane.

@TheBoydP: I enjoy learning about the world by watching the Olympics. So far I’ve learned that Canada ISN’T the only country that participates in curling.

@TheBoydP: It’s like my granddad used to say “If you have to ask the question, then you don’t know the answer.”

@TheBoydP: Life advice: Your bark may be worse than your bite but you really shouldn’t bark at people either.

@TheBoydP: Why do parents train babies to peek with the game peekaboo but then spend the remaining childhood telling them not to peek?

@TheBoydP: They say don’t eat when you’re bored but I never get bored of eating so I think I’m good.

@TheBoydP: All I’m saying is if you wake up in the middle of the night to pee and see that it’s only 11:30pm, you might be getting old.

@TheBoydP: Diet Coke: Making people feel better about ordering two Big Macs and a large fry since 1982.

@TheBoydP: Wife: *asks question*

Me: *gives answer*

Wife: I’m looking it up on the internet…

@TheBoydP: I was getting fed up at my job and was considering quitting but they’ve upgraded the toilet paper in the office restroom so I’m good now.