Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheBoydP's best tweets

@TheBoydP : Give me Players for $500 Alex "When you lose the game because you don't have any moves" What is checkmate? "Wrong! What is your sex life"

@TheBoydP: Interviewer: Any questions?

Me: Why don’t they put a scratch and sniff box on recipes?

@TheBoydP: HGTV has taught me you can do anything if you have the right tools. I’ve also learned that any handyman you hire will have those tools.

@TheBoydP: Interviewer: Any questions?

Me: If Bruno Mars had a sex change operation would he change his name to Bruno Venus?

@TheBoydP: Did you hear about the armored car guard who was really surprised to get fired?

He thought he had job security...

@TheBoydP: "Accountant jokes are funny but don't really apply to me..."

~All accountants

@TheBoydP: Protip: If your coworker has a picture of herself and her dog labeled "Beauty and the Beast" you shouldn't ask her which one is which.

@TheBoydP: If you don't think government is inefficient and wasteful, explain how the Census Bureau has been around so long yet we still use Fahrenheit

@TheBoydP: To take full advantage of the never answer calls from an unknown number rule, you should also never assign names to numbers in your phone.

@TheBoydP: Show me someone who says they like all types of music and I will show you someone who has never been on hold before a conference call.