Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheBoydP's best tweets

@TheBoydP : The hardest part of being a dog is not understanding why squirrels don’t want to play with you.

@TheBoydP: Top Seven Bacon for Breaking:

7. Bacon point
6. Bacon even
5. Bacon Benjamin
4. Bacon my heart
3. Bacon Bad
2. Bacon the law
1. Bacon wind

@TheBoydP: Did you know that McDonald's once sold a burger named after the Hamburglar? It was discontinued however because the meat was too robbery.

@TheBoydP: Marriage tip: If your wife says “I didn’t do it” what she means is “You did it”. Accept it and don’t worry that you don't remember doing it.

@TheBoydP: [Jeopardy]

Disease for $500 Alex

"Dysentery, Typhoid, Bubonic Plague, Dengue Fever"

What's better than catching a man cold?


@TheBoydP: I don't understand why they named it "sandpaper" when the obvious name "office toilet paper" was right there in front of them.

@TheBoydP: "A room in motion will stay in motion until you sober up."

~Newton's little known fourth law of motion

@TheBoydP: *mom puts teen’s clean clothes at bottom of the stairs*

Mom meaning: Take up stairs, put away

Teen meaning: Obstacle course on the stairs!

@TheBoydP: Ninety percent of being a dog is not realizing your own tail is your own tail.

@TheBoydP: My wife says I'm addicted to generalizations but isn't everyone some kind of addict?