Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheBoydP's best tweets

@TheBoydP : Not to brag but I read the instructions before I did something today. I didn’t follow them, but still.

@TheBoydP: I was kicked out of my college grammar club for making up words. Even worse was the reculpricity they had with the other clubs on campus.

@TheBoydP: Not to brag but drunk me just decided to start taking pictures for sober me in the morning...

@TheBoydP: I never thought I'd be someone who complains about the quality of the prosciutto on his charcuterie board but here I am…

@TheBoydP: Don’t be ridiculous, I would never use capitalization as a form of passive aggressive behavior karen.

@TheBoydP: If you make a simple mistake but fix it right away, what year will your spouse finally let it go?

@TheBoydP: I heard that Amazon is scrapping Alex, the new male version of Alexa it was developing. They couldn’t stop it from saying “I don’t know, ask Alexa”.

@TheBoydP: All I’m saying is waking up at night because you have to pee in a dream is better than actually peeing in the dream...

@TheBoydP: Not to brag but my wife just mentioned fireworks in the bedroom to me. She wants me to keep them somewhere else until the 4th but still...

@TheBoydP: Can’t, I’m in big trouble with the wife. I invited a couple to a party that she’s planning without telling her.