Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheCatWhisprer's best tweets

@TheCatWhisprer : I own a lot of Nike shirts for a guy who just bought a movie on iTunes so he wouldn’t have to get up and get the DVD from the other room.

@TheCatWhisprer: It’s always good to tell people to “stay safe” during a distaster just in case they didn’t know.

@TheCatWhisprer: I hate how websites force you to prove you’re not a robot by making you solve some puzzle only a robot could solve.

@TheCatWhisprer: Rachel Ray now makes cat food with real beef just like the cows my cat would eat in the wild.

@TheCatWhisprer: I hate when I go to unbutton my pants because they're too tight and they're already unbuttoned.

@TheCatWhisprer: Forgot to use a coupon my wife gave me so now I have to hide it like it's a dead body.

@TheCatWhisprer: [fancy restaurant]
HOST: uh sir, no outside food or drink is allowed
ME: this is my service chalupa

@TheCatWhisprer: Reached the age where I have to do like 150 healthy things every day just so it doesn't hurt when I burp.

@TheCatWhisprer: Telling my toddler not to chase the cat around with her nunchucks is easily the coolest thing I've ever said as a dad or a human.