@TheCatWhisprer: Telling my toddler not to chase the cat around with her nunchucks is easily the coolest thing I've ever said as a dad or a human.
@TheCatWhisprer: [trying to stop my toddler's tantrum in a restaurant]
*harsh whisper* If you don't cut it out right now then there's nothing else I can do
@TheCatWhisprer: STUNTMAN ON TV: don't try this at home
ME [sitting on couch eating out of a 5 lb. bag of m&ms]: ok
@TheCatWhisprer: If you thought you had a rough night, my toddler couldn't wear an oven mitt to bed.
@TheCatWhisprer: My toddler is pretty particular about the brand of chicken nuggets I offer her for somebody who just ate a crayon.
@TheCatWhisprer: I could never be a starving artist because the first time I got hungry I'd be like that's enough art.
@TheCatWhisprer: The only thing I do to get my body ready for summer is make sure my AC is serviced.