Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheCatWhisprer's best tweets

@TheCatWhisprer : Crazy how my 3-year-old can expertly maneuver the Android operating system but can’t put on a flip flop.

@TheCatWhisprer: I hate it when I forget my password and the security questions make me relive my entire childhood.

@TheCatWhisprer: Sorry I can't come to your party, I already made other plans after you invited me.

@TheCatWhisprer: [on a date]
Okay don't let her know you're a cat fanatic.
Her: Is that a live kitten on your shoulder?
Me: HE'S JUST A FRIEND.

@TheCatWhisprer: I’m going as Alexa for Halloween this year and answering every question with, “Sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you right now.”

@TheCatWhisprer: My wife can spot me dropping a single crumb anywhere in our house from 50 feet away but her car looks like a Starbucks exploded inside of it.

@TheCatWhisprer: My toddler woke me up last night to tell me it wasn’t morning yet, which to be honest is the same level of hard hitting journalism cable news provides.

@TheCatWhisprer: Pics or it didn’t happen... unless it’s your kid’s first day of school, then we’ll just take your word for it.

@TheCatWhisprer: Just read about something called “runner’s diarrhea” so no way am I ever running and taking that chance.

@TheCatWhisprer: No parent wants to see their child grow up and join a cult or a cable news political panel.