@TheCatWhisprer: I hate it when I forget my password and the security questions make me relive my entire childhood.
@TheCatWhisprer: Sorry I can't come to your party, I already made other plans after you invited me.
@TheCatWhisprer: [on a date]
Okay don't let her know you're a cat fanatic.
Her: Is that a live kitten on your shoulder?
Me: HE'S JUST A FRIEND.
@TheCatWhisprer: I’m going as Alexa for Halloween this year and answering every question with, “Sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you right now.”
@TheCatWhisprer: My wife can spot me dropping a single crumb anywhere in our house from 50 feet away but her car looks like a Starbucks exploded inside of it.
@TheCatWhisprer: My toddler woke me up last night to tell me it wasn’t morning yet, which to be honest is the same level of hard hitting journalism cable news provides.
@TheCatWhisprer: Pics or it didn’t happen... unless it’s your kid’s first day of school, then we’ll just take your word for it.
@TheCatWhisprer: Just read about something called “runner’s diarrhea” so no way am I ever running and taking that chance.
@TheCatWhisprer: No parent wants to see their child grow up and join a cult or a cable news political panel.