Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheCatWhisprer's best tweets

@TheCatWhisprer : Forgot to use a coupon my wife gave me so now I have to hide it like it's a dead body.

@TheCatWhisprer: [fancy restaurant]
HOST: uh sir, no outside food or drink is allowed
ME: this is my service chalupa

@TheCatWhisprer: Reached the age where I have to do like 150 healthy things every day just so it doesn't hurt when I burp.

@TheCatWhisprer: Telling my toddler not to chase the cat around with her nunchucks is easily the coolest thing I've ever said as a dad or a human.

@TheCatWhisprer: [trying to stop my toddler's tantrum in a restaurant]
*harsh whisper* If you don't cut it out right now then there's nothing else I can do

@TheCatWhisprer: STUNTMAN ON TV: don't try this at home

ME [sitting on couch eating out of a 5 lb. bag of m&ms]: ok

@TheCatWhisprer: Just enjoy the pool, I don't need to see a picture of your feet by it.

@TheCatWhisprer: If you thought you had a rough night, my toddler couldn't wear an oven mitt to bed.