Funny Tweeter

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Page of TheHyyyype's best tweets

@TheHyyyype : MOM: your friends smoke weed so now u do? ME: uh- MOM: if they jumped off a bridge, would u jump too? ME: guess it depends how high i was

@TheHyyyype: WIFE: what the hell happened here?

ME: i broke an egg

[earlier]

ME [shaking egg]: tell me what u know, u piece of shit

@TheHyyyype: a talented computer hacker can bring down any man, no matter how rich or powerful, by smashing him over the head with a brick

@TheHyyyype: i took my metal detector to the beach and found a huge slayer concert

@TheHyyyype: WAITER: room for dessert?

ME: no thanks, we'll just eat it right here

@TheHyyyype: [i'm on the ship's deck, dragging around a board by a rope]

PIRATE CAPTAIN: *rubs temples* that's not what i meant by "walk the plank"

@TheHyyyype: [first day in gang]

LEADER: ya gotta be street-smart

ME: oh i am

LEADER: prove it

ME: *names every street in city*

LEADER: holy shit

@TheHyyyype: WAITER: questions about the menu?

ME: is it recycled paper?

WAITER: no, i meant about what's on it

ME: oh. what kind of ink is this?

@TheHyyyype: [philosophy class]

PROFESSOR: u must question everything

[later]

ME: *grabs lamp and shakes it* what have u been doing all day?!

@TheHyyyype: [first day as a detective]

ME: omg nothing but his skeleton is left!

OTHER DETECTIVE: this is a halloween store. the dead guy's over there