Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheHyyyype's best tweets

@TheHyyyype : a fun way to freak out your parents is to tell them you dropped out of college this semester and when they start losing it say you're just kidding and just when they start to recover tell them you actually dropped out last semester but have that part be true

@TheHyyyype: [i see a hot girl walking her dog]

me: hi, can i ask you a question?

her: hi, uh, sure

me: i was talking to your dog

her: oh haha ok

me: *crouches down* hey buddy, your owner is hot, can you put in a good word for me

@TheHyyyype: bathroom attendant: *gives me soap and paper towels*

me: thanks

bathroom attendant: *gestures at basket with dollar bills*

me: oh right *takes $3* thanks!

@TheHyyyype: [before horsepower was invented]

car salesman: this baby has the strength of 7000 raccoons

@TheHyyyype: [taking girlfriend out]

her dad: have her back at a reasonable time

me: don't worry sir *clicks seatbelt* i have her back all the time

her dad: propose

@TheHyyyype: wife: ugh the baby's been crying for hours, can you take over?

me: sure *starts crying for hours*

@TheHyyyype: mom: call your grandmother, she sent you a birthday card with $10

me: ok

[later]

me: hey grandma

grandma: hello dear

me: i need more money, this isn't 1842

@TheHyyyype: god: make a guy who brings children presents

angel: aww that's nice

god: have him slide through chimneys at night

angel: wait what

god: i want him to scream ho ho ho while riding a flying sled pulled by a bunch of those horned horses

angel: dude

@TheHyyyype: [finishing dinner]

her: should we stay for dessert, or you want to back to my place for that ;)

me: *scanning the menu* do you have chocolate souffle at your place?

her: no, but-

me: let's stay

@TheHyyyype: [first day as a cop]

me: i found the body

other officer: any id?

me: *pulls out badge* yeah dude, it's me, your partner