Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheHyyyype's best tweets

@TheHyyyype : superman villains: darkseid - galactic conqueror doomsday - indestructible killing machine batman villains: the joker - tells little jokes the riddler - poses little riddles the penguin - is a penguin

@TheHyyyype: me: i swear officer, i can even say the alphabet backwards

cop: not really relevant to this murder investigation but ok

@TheHyyyype: me: *easily carrying 20 grocery bags* hi ;)

her: are those empty

@TheHyyyype: [driving]

ME: omg i need to go to the bathroom really badly

WIFE: ok we're almost home

ME [panicking]: no, pull over to that mcdonalds!

[i run in]

ME: gimme two big macs fast, i gotta get home to pee

@TheHyyyype: airline clerk: your bag is over 50 pounds so that'll be an extra $25

me: yes, of course *checks high school physics notes* money reduces the impact of gravity on mass

@TheHyyyype: [party]

me: i think my gf is mad at me

friend: yeah dude i saw her making out with some guy in the kitchen

me: did she look mad?

@TheHyyyype: mechanic: i'm gonna have to replace your brakes

me: with what

@TheHyyyype: whoa, 4 ferrets stacked on top of one another wearing a trenchcoat!

"no, it's me devin, from high school?"

wow ok you did not age well

@TheHyyyype: [my first day as a psychologist]

patient: i've been hearing voices

me: okay so your ears work, now what’s wrong with that brainayours

@TheHyyyype: the only way to save the bees is by beeing fiscally responsible. don't spend the bees faster than you earn them. start a bee savings account. set yourself a bee budget