@TheHyyyype: ME: my wife and i are having a baby!
FRIEND: wow, that's amazing! congratulations! sex?
ME: yes, that's how we made the baby...
@TheHyyyype: Technology is moving so fast. My toaster just sprinted across the kitchen.
@TheHyyyype: MATH TEACHER: wanna come do the problem on the board?
MT: i wasn't asking
ME: if u were an english teacher you'd know that u were
@TheHyyyype: ME: *tells joke*
WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school
ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th
@TheHyyyype: If you get nervous at a nude beach, just imagine everyone in their underwear.
@TheHyyyype: My wife always tells me not to take things personally, so I hired a guy to do it for me. He already stole a bike.
@TheHyyyype: CASHIER: what, no tip?
ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt
CASHIER: no, i meant money
ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)
@TheHyyyype: [first date]
HER: I'm really into guys with ambitions
ME: *trying to impress her* that's perfect, I have two frogs