@TheMichaelRock: *notices person behind me won't let people merge*
*slows down and lets 12 people merge in front of me*
@TheMichaelRock: Being a parent to a teenager is basically like being an unpaid, under appreciated Uber driver.
@TheMichaelRock: You've made a powerful enemy, vending machine holding my candy bar hostage.
@TheMichaelRock: Her: ID please
Me: my beard is almost white
Her: still need it
Me*whispers* I know why you work at a gas station
@TheMichaelRock: 8yo: can you tell me a story?
Me: sure. Your mom and I get ice cream after you go to bed every night.
Me: goodnight, buddy.
@TheMichaelRock: boss: are you high?
me: no, i'm on dayquil
boss: dayquil doesn't do that
me: must be the cocaine then
@TheMichaelRock: Someone called me stupid and then blocked me before I even had a chance to agree with them.
@TheMichaelRock: Shout out to Debra on Facebook for saving lives by letting everyone know that the snow is slippery.