Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheMichaelRock's best tweets

@TheMichaelRock : Radio: The purge has begun. For the next 12 hours, all crime is legal. Me[gets in the 10 items or less line with 11 items] this is exhilarating!

@TheMichaelRock: People like to make fun of my fanny pack until they need a napkin or a chicken nugget.

@TheMichaelRock: If a dude is wearing cowboy clothes, is he ranch dressing?

@TheMichaelRock: Prescription commercials are always so touching until the last minute or so when they explain how their product could kill you.

@TheMichaelRock: Day 2 of the government shutdown: we’re hunting for food in a national park. Ripped mattress tags are everywhere. It’s total chaos.

@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: OMG did you hear about the blizzard?

Me: which flavor?

@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: does your beard keep you warm?

Me: does your mustache keep you warm?

Coworker....

Me: WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHY ARE YOU CRYING, BRENDA

@TheMichaelRock: An anonymous internet person said they were going to block me and then blocked me. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.