Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheMichaelRock's best tweets

@TheMichaelRock : Sorry I shot your SUV but it's deer season, I saw the antlers and I panicked.

@TheMichaelRock: It’s funny how people rage in traffic on the way to work like they’ll be any happier once they get there.

@TheMichaelRock: Computer: do you want to save the changes?

Me: I....I didn't make any changes...OMG DID I MAKE CHANGES

@TheMichaelRock: Sleeping Beauty was full of shit. No woman is that nice when you wake her up from a nap.

@TheMichaelRock: Radio: The purge has begun. For the next 12 hours, all crime is legal.

Me[gets in the 10 items or less line with 11 items] this is exhilarating!

@TheMichaelRock: People like to make fun of my fanny pack until they need a napkin or a chicken nugget.

@TheMichaelRock: If a dude is wearing cowboy clothes, is he ranch dressing?

@TheMichaelRock: Prescription commercials are always so touching until the last minute or so when they explain how their product could kill you.