Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ThePocketJustin's best tweets

@ThePocketJustin : It seems unrealistic that no two people in a movie almost ever have the same name. My screenplay, 12 Guys Named Mike, will address this.

@ThePocketJustin: Draw attention to your older tweets by being arrested on suspicion of multiple murders.

@ThePocketJustin: As a fan of Dirty Dancing I can only hope that when we go on holiday one of my daughters sleeps with a middle aged dance instructor.

@ThePocketJustin: My phone case doesn't expose the logo on the back. So it could be anything. I could be speaking on two mirrors with foam in the middle.

@ThePocketJustin: Sheryl Crow: This ain't no disco. This ain't no country club either.

Sheryl Crow - The world's worst archaeologist.

@ThePocketJustin: Soon a hero will rise. Then he will fall again. Then he will rise and also fall. Wait. The hero is on a trampoline.

@ThePocketJustin: If you pretend you're skimming you can straight up throw rocks at people.

@ThePocketJustin: The FBI's terrorist hotline is not a place to chat with hot terrorists. I know that now.

@ThePocketJustin: Don't you hate it when you misjudge a moment of silence and lean in for a kiss.

Worst police interrogation ever.