Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ThePocketJustin's best tweets

@ThePocketJustin : My wife just texted that there's "garlic dread in the freezer". I'm afraid to look.

@ThePocketJustin: I like mascarpone cheese. It sounds like the sort of cheese that would have ruled organised crime in 1920's Chicago with an iron fist.

@ThePocketJustin: You think people who drink the energy drinks would have enough energy to put the cans in the bin rather than on the ground.

@ThePocketJustin: Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone(Absence of special lady creates cataclysmic world ending event)

@ThePocketJustin: Why isn't there ghost dinosaurs? They didn't all finish their business. They didn't know the comet was coming.

@ThePocketJustin: It seems unrealistic that no two people in a movie almost ever have the same name. My screenplay, 12 Guys Named Mike, will address this.

@ThePocketJustin: Draw attention to your older tweets by being arrested on suspicion of multiple murders.

@ThePocketJustin: As a fan of Dirty Dancing I can only hope that when we go on holiday one of my daughters sleeps with a middle aged dance instructor.