Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheRealNickKay's best tweets

@TheRealNickKay : *LIGHTHOUSE* BATMAN - You call? L/HOUSE KEEPER - Shit, not again man. I am so sorry. BATMAN - Dead seagull on the light? LK -*Nods*

@TheRealNickKay: Daddy Bear -"Someones been sleeping in my bed."

Mummy Bear -"Wouldn't be the first time."

Daddy Bear -"It's been 3 years Sue, let it go."

@TheRealNickKay: WIFE: I can't believe you ruined my birthday yesterday
ME: What a load of bollocks, Karen. I didn't even know it was your birthday

@TheRealNickKay: SON: [Stood by tree with apple on head] Dad, what ever happened to my three younger brothers?
WILLIAM TELL: [Aiming arrow] ....Chicken pox

@TheRealNickKay: [DEATH ROW]
WARDEN: Last meal?
CON: Just a glass of lemonade please
*Drinks lemonade/Burps*
WARDEN: Pardon
[CON WALKS FREE]
W: SHIT

@TheRealNickKay: [MURDER TRIAL]

JUDGE: So in 27 years of marriage, you never knew your wife was allergic to salt?

MR.SLUG:[Into mic] That's correct.

@TheRealNickKay: [Walks in on girlfriend on death bed]
ME: [Crying] this can't be happening
GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me