@TheRealNickKay: Daddy Bear -"Someones been sleeping in my bed."
Mummy Bear -"Wouldn't be the first time."
Daddy Bear -"It's been 3 years Sue, let it go."
@TheRealNickKay: WIFE: I can't believe you ruined my birthday yesterday
ME: What a load of bollocks, Karen. I didn't even know it was your birthday
@TheRealNickKay: SON: [Stood by tree with apple on head] Dad, what ever happened to my three younger brothers?
WILLIAM TELL: [Aiming arrow] ....Chicken pox
@TheRealNickKay: [DEATH ROW]
WARDEN: Last meal?
CON: Just a glass of lemonade please
[CON WALKS FREE]
@TheRealNickKay: [MURDER TRIAL]
JUDGE: So in 27 years of marriage, you never knew your wife was allergic to salt?
MR.SLUG:[Into mic] That's correct.
@TheRealNickKay: [Walks in on girlfriend on death bed]
ME: [Crying] this can't be happening
GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me