Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheSharona06's best tweets

@TheSharona06 : Houseguests should have a mandatory bedtime.

@TheSharona06: Saying "unwanted houseguests" is redundant. I just call them houseguests.

@TheSharona06: Instead of smiling and nodding through a conversation, try clapping and nodding. People will stop talking to you.

@TheSharona06: I had a beautiful pearl of wisdom to tweet but I dropped it on the ground and one of my dogs ate it. I should have it back in 12 hours or so

@TheSharona06: My mother is displeased with me.

In other shocking news, water is wet and the sun is bright.

@TheSharona06: Oh, I see you're an extrovert. Sorry, we can't be friends. I already have a friend who's an extrovert. One of you is enough.

@TheSharona06: My Fitbit was delivered today. It's still sitting in the mailbox because I don't want to walk all the way out there.

@TheSharona06: [Divorce court]
Her: I found his Twitter account. I want a divorce.
Judge: He was cheating?
Her: No, he was doing inspirational tweets.

@TheSharona06: Me: My tarot cards say that you're going to be in pain soon.

Him: Ha! My Magic 8 Ball said No.

*hurls Magic 8 Ball at him*

Him: Ouch!

@TheSharona06: Me: Woohoo, I survived Thanksgiving! I can relax now.

Anxiety: Haha...Christmas.