Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of thetobbie's best tweets

@thetobbie : Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

@thetobbie: ME: Have you seen my denim jacket?
GF: No, but it's okay. Just checked the weather & it's not going to be the 1980s today...

@thetobbie: The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC...

@thetobbie: When jogging, if i get tired, I insult the people i pass in my head & then imagine having to get away as they chase me...

@thetobbie: Anyway, I heard some "Norwegian black metal" today. Let's just say there's a reason no one ever built cities on it...

@thetobbie: The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

@thetobbie: Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

@thetobbie: Dudes, how can we keep track of how long it's been since we've been on a date? I mean, women can just measure their leg hair...

@thetobbie: One of the worst things about being deaf has to be the inability to tell whether people are yawning or screaming...

@TheTobbie: NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! Except my government, boss, his wife, my girlfriend, my parents, my doctor, friends, neighbours, their dogs...