Funny Tweeter

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Page of TheToddWilliams's best tweets

@TheToddWilliams : [NASCAR Press Conference] REPORTER: What's your race strategy? DRIVER: Fast circles

@TheToddWilliams: WIFE: Do you have a hot glue gun?

ME: No but I have a sexy stapler

@TheToddWilliams: COP: Where were you the night of the murder?
CROW: I was with a group of friends
COP: What would you call that group?
CROW: …I want a lawyer

@TheToddWilliams: NEIGHBOR: What's up?

ME {stacking crates}: I've enough donuts to last a month

NEIGHBOR: So all ready for the hurricane?

ME: The what now?

@TheToddWilliams: [spelling bee]

"Your word is stupid"

ME: Well give me a different one then

"No, that's your word…stupid"

ME: Maybe you're the stupid one

@TheToddWilliams: [movie casting]

ME: I'm here for the stuntman job

"Do you have any experience?"

ME: No, but I took a…

"Please don't"

ME: …crash course

@TheToddWilliams: [boxing match]

TRAINER: Give him the old 'one-two'

CHAMP: I'm not too good at math

TRAINER: Ok...a left and a right

CHAMP: Or politics