Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheTweetOfGod's best tweets

@TheTweetOfGod : I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid.

@TheTweetOfGod: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. Other symptoms of his alcoholism included violent rampages and chronic nausea.

@TheTweetOfGod: Yes, other people are stupid. But to everyone but you, you are one of those other people.

@TheTweetOfGod: 152,000 people will die today but not the one you want.

@TheTweetOfGod: 150 different species go extinct every single day. Even worse, you keep not being one of them.

@TheTweetOfGod: Never forget that for every public official who is stupid and awful, there are thousands of ordinary citizens who are also stupid and awful.

@TheTweetOfGod: The road to enlightenment always leads through the valley of morons.

@TheTweetOfGod: I’m serious. You’re the worst species I ever created, and I made 3,500 different cockroaches.

@TheTweetOfGod: Attention: Will the owners of a blue planet with plate tectonics please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

@TheTweetOfGod: My favorite word in the English language is “Amen” because when I hear it I know you’re finally done asking Me for stupid shit.