Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheTweetOfGod's best tweets

@TheTweetOfGod : 150 different species go extinct every single day. Even worse, you keep not being one of them.

@TheTweetOfGod: Never forget that for every public official who is stupid and awful, there are thousands of ordinary citizens who are also stupid and awful.

@TheTweetOfGod: The road to enlightenment always leads through the valley of morons.

@TheTweetOfGod: I’m serious. You’re the worst species I ever created, and I made 3,500 different cockroaches.

@TheTweetOfGod: Attention: Will the owners of a blue planet with plate tectonics please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

@TheTweetOfGod: My favorite word in the English language is “Amen” because when I hear it I know you’re finally done asking Me for stupid shit.

@TheTweetOfGod: Why do bad things happen to good people? To even out the good things that happen to bad people.

@TheTweetOfGod: Great news! Chipotle is giving out thousands of free burritos tomorrow! That means I’ll be seeing thousands of you by this weekend!

@TheTweetOfGod: I've said it before and I'll say it again: the Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

@TheTweetOfGod: "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Unless they're darker than, say, beige."- Statue of Liberty.