@TheWoodenslurpy: Me: If I were you, I’d confront your boss
Friend: You would?
Me: I wouldn’t. If I were you, I would. If it were me, I’d do what you’re doing
@TheWoodenslurpy: You’re a vegetarian who eats fish? I guess that makes sense since bears are basically vegetarians.
@TheWoodenslurpy: I'd like to meet a failed scientist, like I do writers.
"I science on the weekends and for free sometimes. I think of it more as a hobby."
@TheWoodenslurpy: [at stadium with child]
Me: That is batball.
[at the races]
Me: That is horse circles.
[at the opera]
Me: This is horned yodeling.
@TheWoodenslurpy: If I commit suicide, it’ll be for a shallow reason, like unrequited texts. But the note I leave will mention world hunger at least 11 times.
@TheWoodenslurpy: To people calling themselves "Grammar Nazis": you’re not correcting grammar so much as punctuation or spelling. Hi, I’m a Nomenclature Nazi.
@TheWoodenslurpy: I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What’s not to like?
@TheWoodenslurpy: Did you know that if you drop and break a piece of folk art, it just turns into more folk art?