Funny Tweeter

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Page of TheresNoGodzila's best tweets

@TheresNoGodzila : Me: So what do you do? Date: I work with animals Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun

@TheresNoGodzila: *gets on 1 knee*

Me: I know we haven't known each other for a long time, but will you marry me?

Her: Please get off my knee

@TheresNoGodzila: When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back.

@TheresNoGodzila: Her: You spent our entire life savings on dogs

Me: They're golden retrievers, Karen. They retrieve gold. I did it for us